The Volume Is Turned Up

Did you know that gifted children don't just think more deeply than other children — they feel more deeply too? One of the most consistent, research-backed features of giftedness is emotional intensity. The volume is turned up, all the time, on joy and wonder and enthusiasm and also on frustration, grief, injustice, and fear. Parents of gifted children often describe it the same way: whatever the feeling is, there is more of it than the situation seemed to call for.

This is not drama. It is not a phase. It is not a discipline problem. It is how a gifted brain processes the world. Gifted children take in more input, hold on to it longer, connect it to more things, and respond to it with more force. A news story about a distant tragedy can haunt them for weeks. A perceived unfairness on the playground can shake their whole week. The same intensity that lets them love a topic with astonishing devotion also lets pain land on them at full weight.

The danger is that adults — including well-meaning, loving adults — often mistake this intensity for immaturity. They tell the child to calm down, to get over it, to stop being so sensitive. Over time, a child who receives those messages learns that the way they experience the world is a problem to be hidden. They start masking their feelings in public. The feelings don't go anywhere; they just go underground, often to reappear later as anxiety, perfectionism, or the kind of shutdown that looks like defiance and isn't.

The more helpful response is to treat intensity as information. When your child feels something enormous, they are not broken — they are telling you where the big things are in their world. Your job is not to turn the volume down on who they are. It is to help them build the skills to move through big feelings without being overwhelmed by them. Naming the feeling, giving it space, and staying steady yourself does more over time than any lecture on proportion ever could.

If this sounds like your child — or like the questions you've been carrying — my book, Understanding, Supporting, & Advocating for Your Gifted Child, was written for you. Inside, you'll find practical tools, honest stories, and the kind of grounded guidance that helps you trust what you're already seeing and respond with confidence.

— Adam C. Laningham, M.Ed.

Available now on Amazon and at BrightChildBooks.com